Breaking The Habit
by Jay-The-Gay-Transboy
Summary: After Legacy, Ezra can't help but drown in his despair, He remembers a certain razor in the secret side pocket of his backpack. After making a wound and deciding further cutting wasn't worth it, Ezra is found out by a crew member as he forgot the clean up the blood on his blankets.. [TRIGGER WARNING- Please don't read if you're gonna cut yourself..]
1. Bloody Depression

**This is a very dark fanfic -.-' I wrote it while listening to 'Breaking The Habit' by Linkin Park. You might notice (a lot) some lyrics in there. x3 I can't tell if It should be Rated T or M.. So.. I'll do T right now.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own anything in Star Wars Rebels, I just own my idea. :D**

 **This is set after Legacy.**

 **Cant tell if this should be a one-shot or not either.**

 **Ezra's POV**

Memories. Memories consuming his mind. Breaking though this currently paper thin barriers and making his breath hitch.

" If we don't fight.. who will? " A ghostly voice whispered in his ear, resembling his father's.

" Shut up! Shut up! " He muttered, burrying his face in his pillow, trying to block out the voices.

Ezra's mind was being swarmed with memories, he didnt need this, he was hurting so much more than before.

He quickly got up and locked the door before Zeb could barge in and see him like this.

He laid on his bunk, drained from all energy. He wished he could cry, to let it out, but he couldn't.

Tears pricked his eyes and as much as Ezra tried to make them fall, they stubbornly refused to do so.

Ezra sighed, and sat up. He glanced at his backpack, sitting on the edge of the bed.

He looked in one of the secret side pockets and found his 'cure.' A rusty razor blade, with dried blood.

A half-smile, half-grimance found its way onto his face. He took it out and took a deep breath, he hasnt cut since he joined the crew.

He rolled up the sleeve of his left arm and braced himself, pushing hard against the skin. The razor made no sound as it effortlessly opened up a wound on Ezra's arm. The wound was white for a few seconds until blood started flowing.

Seeing this much blood, Ezra started to panic. He must have done it harder than he thought. He quickly searched for the bandages in his backpack as a few drops of blood dropped onto his bed.

He found the bandages and quickly wrapped it around tightly, ignoring the dull throb.

He placed the Razor back in his backpack and tied a small knot to secure the bandages.

He felt like he needed to say something, anything so he opened his mouth and said the first words that came to his mind.

" I don't know what's worth fighting for, Or why I have to scream, I don't know why I instigate, And say what I don't mean, I don't know how I got this way, I know it's not alright. "

Ezra sighed, he knew he needed to stop this. He decided that this wound was the last one he'd inflict on himself.

" So I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit, tonight. " It sounded strangely like a song he once knew, so he searched his mind for the rest of it.

" I don't want to be the one, The battles always choose, 'Cause inside I realize, That I'm the one confused ".

He heard the sound of the override code being activated and the lock removing. He quickly hid his arm under the blanket as he saw the person walk in.

" Hey Ki- What's that?! "

Ezra looked at the blanket area near his backpack and realised he forgot to cover up the blood.

...

Oops.

 **I like ending it like that x3**

 **I dont know why its just so fun!**

 **The song is really amazing.**

 **I have weird song taste.**

 **This is based of true events.**

 **( Off me. -.-' )**

 **But thats when I** _ **accidently**_ **cut myself.**

 **I was angry at myself and everything and I had a shower, I was just shaving... ( Yeah, I sometimes shave, its weird. ) my left arm when I pressed a little hard without thinking and blood problems. x3**

 **Yeah...**

 ***oops***

 **Read and Review! Tell me if I should change the rating or leave it like that.. I mean this could be a stand alone story in one chapter, but.. I think you guys would like two ( or more ) chapters.**

 **Seeya! Stay strong! ( Especially you Ezra )**

 **~ May The Force Be With You, Always.**


	2. Found

**... I know I am horrible for not updating in forever, and honestly.. I had written his *Ages* ago..**

 **I just hate my own writing ;_; I admit it.**

 **I tried to make it really good but it seems so forced xD.. Anywho I am now a Year 8 in Highschool! and I'm still twelve.. Lucky me xD Almost 13!~**

 **ALMOST.**

 **I CAN.. NEARLY... REACH IT!**

 **Okay, On to the *horrible* chapter.**

 **Please forgive me for crappy writing ;-;.**

 **Kanan's POV**

It was around noon and decidedly hot on Lothal, Hera, Sabine and Zeb where out for an overnight supply run, they were going to stay in a cheap inn not far from the market. I was made to stay back as I had gotten drunk when I stopped at a pub for the night for a drink and realised the drinks were much stronger than they were advertised... the hard way.

Long story short, I may have caused a few... dozen.. bar fights and basically destroyed the bar. Being a drunk force-user can do that to you. Luckily all the other patrons were too drunk to realise and recognise a force-user. As soon as I made it back to the Ghost, after a few hours of staggering, Hera made me go to my bunk and sleep it off, but in the morning she told us the mission was going to be an overnight one and 'someone has to look after Ezra' before dropping a chore list in my hands and leaving before I could protest.

It was quiet, usually the kid would be running around outside, yelling while chasing Loth-cats plus doing who-knows-what and return with a flushed face and a pespiring body. Speaking of Ezra, I decided to check up on him later, he's been pretty depressed since he heard the news. I was planning to go after I had finished the chores Hera gave me as I was just about done, when I felt a strong flow of red, hot pain, then panic filter to me through our bond.

I immediately sprinted to his and Zeb's shared room, I paused and after taking a few deep breaths to calm myself down, I stopped at the door panel, pressing the basic door open command button. The panel made a negative sound and 'Access Denied' popped up on the door panel. I frowned as I brang up the emergency override code, where It demanded a pin number. My shaking fingers pressed the respective numbers as the door slid open, the electronic hiss greeting me as I walked in.

" Hey Ki- " i started, hoping that came out as casually and not panicked, only to be stopped by a foul, horrifyingly familiar stench and a few stained droplets of crimson liquid on the blanket by Ezra's backpack. " What's that?! " I asked, finally panicking, hoping desperately It's not what I think It is, while not giving Ezra a chance to answer. I rushed over, and half away up the ladder, my fears were confirmed. It was blood.

" K-Kanan I... " The kid stuttered, hands shaking and eyes wide, trying to make an explanation.

I quickly scanned him with my eyes while ignoring his frantic mumbling and climbed onto the bed, I noticed him hiding one arm under the blanket and the other was to hold him up. Why would he be hiding his left arm? Unless...

I grabbed the stained blanket and swiftly pulled It off him, tossing It to land in a crumpled heap by the end of the bed and leaving his soft complaints unnoticed.

"Hey- " He protested as I softly grabbed his injured arm. I stared at him, serious. He stopped himself as he noticed the dead serious look in my eyes. He winced as I gently brushed my thumb against a slightly reddened part of the bandage.

" S-stop. " He choked out, his voice hitching, looking away as his eyes scrunched up in pain.*1

" Ezra.. " I started, trailing off as I started unwrapping the bandages to look at the wound.

" Kanan, No! " Ezra yelped, snatching his arm back and cradling It close to his chest, his eyes panicked.

" Why not? " i rebuked, regarding him with a stern but worried tone.

" It'll start bleeding again! " Ezra replied, looking down as he started tightening the bandages again. " It hasn't even stopped yet.. " He murmured, but I heard It.

I narrowed my eyes. " So It was done recently? " I inquired, probing him gently, while already knowing the answer.

He flinched and looked away, mumbling something that I barely caught. " Barely ten minutes ago. "

" Ezra, why? " I asked the inevitable question. He flinched again and bit his lip, digging his teeth in softly.

" Ezra. " I repeated, voice slightly more stern.

He looked at me, his eyes glistening as he dug his teeth into his lips. His look was pure misery and then he quickly hunched over into a ball, forming a fetal position, as he hid his face from me and drew both his arms around him. Sighing, I clasped my hand over his shoulder and felt his body shake and tense up. I moved my hand away slightly, unsure if he was shrugging me off or not.

His small form continued to shake, tremors running through his body. It took me a moment to realise that he was crying. I was at a loss of what to do, so I moved next to him to keep a closer eye on him and hopefully provide moral support.

After a few minutes, he raised his tear-ridden face to look into my eyes and words came tumbling out of his once-silent mouth.

" I'm sorry Kanan. I really am sorry, It was just too much for me to bear.. because I could have saved them. They did It all for me and they paid the price. Everything is my fault! " Ezra sobbed, tears still pouring out of his eyes.

I winced, I knew he was talking about his parents. " There was nothing you could've done. " I soothed, hopefully assuring him, but he looked up at me, teeth gritted.

" Yes there was! Something, Anything! " He yelled, his voice echoing across the ship.

" Ezra, you were seven and you were alone against the Empire when it happened. " Kanan told him with genuine truth in his words. " Even I couldn't save them If I was in your position. " *2

" But.. " Ezra tried to continue, but found he had no rebuttal. His eyes filled up with tears again, threatening to spill down his face.

He stiffened as two large, warm arms wrapped around him, hopefully conveying a sense of safety and calm. He looked up at me, his sapphire orbs shining with tears as he smiled gratefully. I smiled back, silently telling him 'Everything will be all right'. I held onto him as he cried heavily into my chest, wetting the soft fabric of my shirt and part of my chest, not that I cared.

He eventually stopped crying, letting out a soft hiccup here and there. He leaned into my warmth as his sadness evolved into exhaustion, drifting off.

" Kid, I'd love to stay with you but Hera gave me a chore list and I intend on finishing them before tomorrow. " I told him, feeling a little regretful I had to leave, while guiding him off my shoulder and laid his head on the pillow.

" Fine. Get Dev for me. " He murmured back, half out of it.

" Dev? " I asked, confused.

" Backpack. " Was the only answer I got.

I started searching through this backpack, hoping this did not count as an invasion of space. Before long, I spotted something furry and soft stowed away at the bottom of the backpack, trapped under metal wires and weird-looking devices. I pulled it out and I found myself staring at a stuffed Loth-cat, which I was currently holding by the tail.

" Sweet. " I murmured, placing the loth-cat next to his arms as he immediately grabbed it and held it close. I drew the blankets up and walked over to the door, glancing at Ezra before leaving the room.

" Goodnight Ezra. "

 **End.**

 ***** **1** **He recently got the wound, so it would hurt more than normal when touched, even gently.**

 ***** **2** **Well, seven year old Kanan (Caleb? xD). I think Kanan probably could save Ezra's parents if he was his current age and there at the time... and using his lightsaber.**

 **Floooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooof**

 **What did I just write.**

 **Okay guys, I can make this a three-shot. Believe it or not, I have an idea for a bonus chapter if you want it. ( You guys probably do x3 )**

 **Argh. I feel like they are both** _ **WAYY too OCC**_ **(.. Whatever that means. ) I dont think I wrote them right. ;-;**

 **I wrote this cause I have anger issues.. and something happened... so i had to get my mind of it.**

 **Yeah...**

 **So... I chanelled that into this so you can be enveloped by feels!**

 **Gees this is as big as the chapter almost now.. or am i exaggerating too much? Probs.**

 **Also if Ezra seemed too emotional, he's emotionally insecure right now and Kanan walked in on him during a breakdown, so I would expect him to be emotional.**

 **Seeya! Remember to Read and Review for the BONUS CHAPTER!**

 **... You have no idea how many times I re-read this...**

 **~ May The Force Be With You, Always. ( ALWAYS. )**


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